AS the title written ;
WTF happened in 2020 ft writer's view
Well, to list them out on global scale
WWIII almost happenedAustralia was on fire
Covid-19 shuts down everything
Police murdered an innocent man (not surprised)
Political dramas (this has been on forever)
As for the writer
Holidays cancelled
Flights cancelled and I couldn't go back to my hometown to see mom
Depression and insomnia are getting worse
Works too much (but I should be grateful for it or else I'm going to get backlashes)
and other personal issues that I can't share here
My life happenings in 2020 so far were mostly unfortunate but I'm grateful because they kinda lead to some good things for me. For the first time, I actually talk to my mom about few personal things and my honest opinion , she accepted it. She wants the best for her daughter , so what ever decisions that I made, I knew it is the best for me. The load has been lifted off my shoulders. I never share or talk about my feelings with my mom, but this year hits me different and hard. At the age of 26, I am in still in need of my mom. This whole year has made me realize that I am not ready to leave comfort zone ; that I am not ready for any commitment which might costs my youth and freedom. I realized that I don't want to hold any responsible or take care of others , yet. I didn't mean to say that I AM NOT A RESPONSIBLE PERSON , no. Listen. I am still struggling of taking care of myself. At what point do you think that I'm going to be responsible for anyone else ? If you can't handle your surrounding then just stop. Take a step back and contemplate, from there you decide whether you want to continue where you stop or you start fresh and walk a new path. As for me, I let my grip off from everything that bring me down and walk away from it, to discover a new and better path for me. Starting from zero means you're going to do it all over again but this time in different means or ways.
My job has been making me feel tight this year. Since March, I've been coming home feeling extremely exhausted and grumpy. Covid19 ruined my motivation to live and work for the days. When I'm feeling down and shits, I can't really get myself to do the things that I love, such as drawing and painting. I bought new tools and equipment so that I can paint, record and share the results with my friends. But nah, no motivation for that. Bought hiking shoes and trekking pole because I want to get active and go hike ( self proclaim nature loving haha) , but how can we go out if there are Movement Control Order ? I love going out to watch cinema once every 2 weeks but cinema are not opening. Travelling around like a free hippies and chilling in new places. I have not done any of these since Covid19 pandemic, thus, making me so unmotivated. With this negative feelings, new tasks are given to me, more stress more loads. Ugh, I'm internally dying. I tried to be honest with my colleagues about how stress I am nowadays but I can't bring myself to do that. They might think that I am a crybaby but little that they know that I am already a depressed person since , 13 or 14. Lol. Many times I have considered to talk to the doctors but, it is not a good idea to talk about your mental health among your colleagues in a work place. Sooooo, I wrote emails to the Befrienders and the staffs are quite cool. They reply to you. tho it might take some times haha but it is okay. It helped me a bit.
Politics in 2020, I have like 15% of whats going on so I have no place to talk about it. You all can refer to any great blogs that are more informative regarding to that issue.
Is there anything else I want to share? Well so far that is all from me. I hope next time, you all will be getting only good news from me. Take care , I wish everyone is well in this pandemic. <3
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