Do We Need To Change

Love can change your world, but should you let it change who you are as a person? When you’re in the throes of passion, you might feel like you’d do absolutely anything for the person you love. And that you’d do it with a smile on your face. But in the long run, changing – or trying to change – who you are will spell nothing but trouble if the change isn’t authentic and natural. When you’re in love with someone, they’re likely to be the person you spend most of your time with.

And since we continually absorb information from and observe the behavior of those around us, your partner is bound to have an influence on your character and your habits, whether or not you’re conscious of it. Compromise is also a massive part of a relationship, as no two people will be able to slot seamlessly into each other’s lives without both of them making a little space.

We people change – we can be miserable or we can be happy. It’s what you make of your life

However, you can’t force yourself to change, and you need to consider whether any changes you do make will be positive for the two of you after the initial flush of love has worn off. You’ll also need to ask whether you’re making the changes because you want to for the sake of your relationship or you have found yourself being pressured to by your partner. Every relationship is different, but it is very beneficial for your relationship for you to consider whether the changes you’re making to yourself are healthy or unhealthy.

Whilst you might find someone who’s pretty close to perfect for you, no one is truly perfect. You’ll need to be willing to adapt in order to make it work with someone wonderful. There’s a difference between changing yourself as a person because you want someone to love you and changing small things about yourself because you want things to work with someone who already loves you for who you are.

no one is truly perfect

If you are going to change yourself for someone you love, that should be entirely your decision, and you should be conscious of it, and doing it for the right reasons. You shouldn’t be doing it because you feel like you need to change fundamental things about yourself in order to earn somebody’s love. Whether your partner openly pressures you to change or does so by dropping small hints, it’s not healthy. You are wonderful just the way you are, and anyone you’re in a relationship with should love you that way. Whilst compromise is important, love shouldn’t be something you have to earn by molding yourself into your partner’s dream lover.

You always want to do things for yourself first, not in a selfish way. More like in a self-loving way.

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♥ by, autumnzira ♥

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MOTIVATED FORGETTING

Recently , I had gone through a few readings on Motivated Forgetting. There were multiples times where people had been asking about my back stories and I admit I might have mixed the information that probably confused them. Some even said "are you telling lies right now?" and that actually offends me because in all seriousness, I'm very true to myself and the people surrounding me. I did explained to them that I usually forgot some past occurrence because, they were painful and quite disturbing. So whenever I tried to do a story-telling of my life, some parts of of it were missing or , I just created a new memory based on the emotions that still lingers or based on the main core of the memory.Motivated Forgetting ; a theorized psychological behavior in which people may forget unwanted memories, consciously or unconsciously. Some of the theories are :

1. People forget memories because they don't want to remember them.

2. Painful or disturbing memories are made unconscious and very difficult to retrieve, but still remained in storage.

3. Decay theory - forgetting which refers to the loss of memory over time.

4. Interference theory - subsequent learning with and degrade a person's memories.

5. The Gestalt theory - memories are forgotten through distortion @ false memory syndrome.

As for me, I had probably underwent point 1,2 and 5.

REPRESSION

People subconsciously push unpleasant or intolerable thoughts and feelings into their unconscious, When situations or memories occur that we are unable to cope with, we push them away. Repressed memories can influence behaviors unconsciously , manifesting themselves in our discussion, dreams and emotional reactions. Example, a abused child has no recollection of the event for years but has trouble forming relationships.

SUPRESSION

It is the conscious and deliberate efforts to curtails one's thought and memories. It is a goal-directed ; includes conscious strategies to forget. Example, someone thinking of unpleasant thoughts , ideas or  inappropriate images at the moment. They may try to think of anything else but the unwanted thoughts; in order to push the thought out of consciousness. It also can be linked to Directed Forgetting @ intentional forgetting - imitated b a conscious goal to forget.

PSYCHOLOGICAL AMNESIA

The inability to remember past experience of personal information,  due to psychological factors rather than biological dysfunction/ brain damage. The memories still exist, buried deeply in the mind, but could resurfaced at any time on their own/from being exposed to a trigger in the person's surroundings.

Writer's note

Although forgetting is often negative, this emphasis neglects a fundamental feature of human existence; not all experiences are pleasant. To preserve our emotions state, to protect out sense of self, sometimes simply to concentrate on what needs to be done. Therefore, any scientific theory of forgetting must include an account of the considerable motivational forces that shapes retention.

I believe that all that had been mentions above are kinds of a defence mechanisms, where we just want to protect ourselves from feeling those unwanted emotions and flashbacks. So if people are accusing us of lying and being uncertain, just explain to them about these things, in hopes they get a bit more understanding and empathy of others. :)

in order for a man to move on, one must needs to forget

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♥ by, autumnzira ♥

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